Imitation cussing

Imitation cussing...

Like Imitation Crab, there's just something fishy about it! A guy friend of mine recently asked me why a beautiful, articulate, intelligent woman like myself would find it necessary to use swear words when I can express myself so eloquently without resorting to the lowest form of communication(in his opinion)-swearing.

Sidebar: Why is it that when someone wants you to stop doing something or start something they always couch it in a backhanded compliment? Sometimes I think "nice" is the worst form of manipulation out there! What the Hank Williams can you do with "nice"??
Truth of the matter is I have tried to stop.

I was not successful. I have certainly become more aware. I have cut down. I have even tried to invent alternative cuss words but somehow they just didn't pack the punch of the genuine article. Let's face it, when you drop a food service size can of pork and beans on your toe, some rudy-poo, foo-foo expression just isn't going to capture the intensity of the moment! For instance, calling someone a lying, cheating bass-head just gets you a puzzled look, a chuckle and absolutely no respect! The real B word is imperative under such circumstances.What if you called someone a J-hole(because it rhymes with the real term and therefore, they should be able to figure out what you mean). Same thing...they'll just think," what a rotten speller", they'll think it was funny, and totally disregarded the spirit in which it was offered! And then there's the questionable ones. Stuff like hell and dumbass. Are those real swear words? Hell could be considered a place. That is especially true if you live in Michigan because there is such a place and guess what? Sometimes it does freeze over! What about George Wilson in Denis the Menace when he bellered out, "Martha, where'd you put the GD garden lamps?" Because he abbreviated the swear word does that make it innocuous or is it still a swear word? What about friggin', freakin', and frickin? If you use one of those instead of the F bomb is that more socially acceptable or is it still as much of a travesty?

Are there actual treatment programs for this?

I guess I'm not the only one with a problem. Somebody wrote a book on the subject:

On the other hand, apparently there are at least as many people in favor as there are opposed or else groups like this and reference materials and even custom plates would not exist:

I have decided that I will work on modifying my colorful phraseology and set the goal of being rated PG13. I cannot make a 100% guarantee. Under specific circumstances, I may have to go full-blown R for a moment or two before returning to the regularly scheduled programming!