The Underwear Chronicles

I knew that if I came up with some body-part related post title, I'd get more of you perverts out there to read my blog! I'll stop at nothing to boost readership! Actually, this post stems from a conversation I just had with a coworker. I have waxed my own legs for years, which is probably TMI for most of you, but I can't reach the backs of my legs myself, so I have to ask someone for assistance. One day, when I had not anticipated open time in my schedule, I had a no-show. So, I decided to wax my legs. When I got to the backs of my legs, I had a problem because I hadn't anticipated anyone seeing the ugly underwear I was wearing that day. So, I made excuses to Julie as to why my underwear was ratty and she said that she's seen a lot worse in her waxing career and that, as a matter of fact, she owns some that were just as bad or worse. Which led to my explaining to her that I have three drawers of underwear. The first is my absolute worst ones-the ones that need to be thrown out but I've saved them for when Aunt Flo comes to visit. Then there's the middle of the road underwear that I wear everyday. Nothing to write home about but they get the job done. The third drawer doesn't get opened very often, I'm afraid! That's my "might get lucky" drawer of underwear...I don't have near the selection that I used to!! And now, when I open up that drawer, moths fly out!!! I remember that my childhood friend, Joyce, used to call her underwear "seatcovers". I also remember seeing my mom and granny's underwear when I was little and thinking that you could have used them for parachutes if your plane went down! That, and the fact that they kept them pulled up to their armpits. God forbid that anyone should see any part of the prim and proper lady! Every Christmas I try to get the boys some humorous ones. Last Christmas, Trevor got ones that had the lyrics to Stairway to Heaven on them! When I got married some umpteen million gazillion years ago, I got a pair of edible undies at my bridal shower. As I recall, they were horrible-both Lewis and I tried them and decided that anyone who would eat those would eat pooh..well, you get the idea. Also, at that same bridal shower, I got a pair of those crotchless panties from Frederick's of Hollywood. I never wore them but one day, I hadn't done the laundry and I didn't have a choice. I was working in Customer Service at Blue Cross/Blue Shield of OR at the time and had to either wear a skirt and blouse or dress to meet the public. The entire day I was mortified that I would trip and fall somewhere, or there would be a strong wind come along while crossing the street, or worst of all, vinyl seats!! Never wore them again! I haven't had the best of luck at times with underwear! Once, during my thong phase, the little dental floss string that you're supposed to have between your butt cheeks, popped while I was getting stuff at the garden store. I hadn't noticed until the clerk mentioned what an unusual "belt" I had on and that she'd never seen one quite like it! My face was so RED! Another time, when I was the student body president at Paducah Community College, the student government sponsored a blood drive. The school paper, as well as the Paducah Sun, came out to take photos and do a story. Of course, they wanted to get my picture cuz' I was the Prez. So, they had me sit at a table with the nurse, and she was going to take my blood pressure for the picture. When I unbuttoned my shirt sleeve and went to roll it up, there was a pair of my underwear hanging out... obviously, I had forgotten to use Cling-free sheets in the drier!! They all thought that was hilarious. The student body president always carries a "spare" ! Underwear seems to have some inherent funniness about it. We call them "britches" and "drawers" which are sort of funny just on their own... Then there's all the naughty little songs about underwear, like the little ditty that starts out, "There's place in France where the ladies wear no pants..." and the old standby favorite, The old red drawers that Maggie wore. Well, that's about it for my comprehensive knowledge of the subject. I'm wondering if there are any other interesting underwear stories out there just waiting to be told?