WARNING: This is the longest post ever! I was away from my computer and out of my routine and in a heightened state of emotion for most of last week. So, I had a lot to say-as always-but it was stuck inside me for awhile! I have finally settled in, back to my life in Michigan, and the floodgates have opened!
The Prayer:
Before I left for Oregon, my friend Pat, at Spring Arbor University, prayed with me and said a very special prayer over me and my family. First, he prayed for our comfort and strength for the road ahead: visitation, funeral, and committal. He prayed that I would have traveling mercies and that everywhere I went on my travels that God would bring special people across my path. Then Pat asked that any unfinished business would be wrapped up in a positive way, that any relationships that needed mending would be mended, that the Baker family would be united in a way that they have never experienced before and that there would be blessings and miracles that would come into our lives during this otherwise bittersweet time. All of those things came to pass.
The Travels:On the way to Oregon I sat next to a man from Palestine. His name was Sammy and he sat and visited with me all the way to Minneapolis/St. Paul about his former life in the Middle East. He explained the basics of the Muslin faith tradition. He talked about the discriminatory treatment that is part of his everyday life in the United States because of his race and faith. It is so interesting how much we have in common with one another when we meet one on one. Lack of unbiased information and opportunity to meet people of diverse backgrounds really does contribute to the prejudices we hold. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Sammy and when we parted I felt that I had been enriched by hearing his story. The next leg of the flight from Minneapolis/St. Paul, I sat between two ladies and caught a quick nap~woke myself up snoring~and they said it was ok as long as I didn't slobber! I then spent the majority of that flight visiting with a lady from Mulino who had a similar background as me and we compared notes about the counseling field, our experiences with marriage(mine with divorce), and the ups and downs of childrearing. In the process, the two ladies behind us got involved in our conversation as well. Turns out both of those ladies are writers and we talked about books and blogging. Two of my fav topics for sure! One of the ladies, Susan N. Terkel, shared some beautiful thoughts and memories of Passover from her Jewish heritage. Again, it boiled down to the priorities we hold in life. Especially God/Faith and family. This is a message and theme that would be woven throughout my entire visit. Susan's book is called Small Change: It's the little things in life that make a big difference. I'm planning to read that as soon as I can. Probably while I'm on my trip to Oregon in about three weeks. I'm leaving my textbooks home! Anyway, on my flight home I sat by two delightful younger women who had been visiting friends in Portland for the week. These ladies had been best friends since middle school. They are currently in their early 30's. We discussed everything~I mean it! We had the Ya-Ya Sisterhood going on! A scene right out of Sex and The City! At some point in the girlfest we decided to celebrate: to celebrate my dad's life and to celebrate that Carrie had sold her house and was moving home by Nikki after a number of years living away! At some point this celebration involved vodka and cranberry juice...The flight attendant even bought us a round...unbelievable! I loved that conversation. It was fun, touching, meaningful, motivating. Carrie and Nikki, stay in the loop girls! I hope we meet again. Oh, P.S. and do more celebrating! You girls are soooo fun!
Arrival on Friday: Whenever I come to Portland, and the plane touches down , I immediately feel that I have come home. The familiar sights comfort me and make me feel whole again. One of the most poignant moments came for me when I got to my mom's apartment. Outside was Old PaPa's "cart" that Jayden loved to help him push. I couldn't help but cry. I could just see my dad walking down the hall pushing that cart. It really hit me hard in that moment how real and final it was that my dad was gone. That night I took Mo-Mo and my sister Marcee out for dinner. One of my dear clients had given me money in lieu of flowers with the instruction to do something with my mom. Thanks, Marcia! It was a wonderful time of fellowship. Through the years you have always been such a thoughtful friend.
The Visitation, Funeral, and Committal:
Here's the "big auditorium" of the church my dad pastored and his father before him. I was first baptized here and later walked down the isle of this church for my wedding. I spent hours and hours for years and years right in this sanctuary. On Saturday morning, Mom and I, Marcee, Karlee, Andy, Sister Kathleen, Brother Pat, Sister Mary and Sister Bonnie gathered to practice the music for my dad's service. This ended up being one of the most healing experiences of the weekend. We all sat and sang many of the old hymns together. There were times for all of us that we had to stop singing because of the overwhelming emotion that swept over us. Music is such an anchor to our past. It really takes you back in time. The practice turned into an impromptu worship service. I could feel my dad there in the midst. I could see him in my mind. Hear him in my memory. He had a beautiful, strong singing voice. I could hear the sweet sound of his violin. We left refreshed in our spirits for the visitation at Hillside Chapel.
Here Sister Bonnie practices "How Great Thou Art" for the funeral the next day.
My brother Andrew played his guitar, helped with the songs for the worship service, and was the Master of Ceremonies for dad's funeral. Andy did a phenomenal job! Way to go, big Bro!
Sister Mary, or Aunt Weezie, as we affectionately call her, is at the piano once again to honor my dad during his service. This is a post she has occupied for many years. I do not recall anyone else being the pianist in the church. Aunt Weezie is now 88 years old. God Bless her! We love her dearly!
Karlee played the organ for dad's service. Here are the sisters three: Marcee, Karlee, and Lana. Once a Baker, always a Baker! We got that Baker nature, don't we ladies?!
Dad was well remembered at visitation. Hillside Chapel did a wonderful job in all respects. There was so much more to my dad than just the fact that he was a minister. He loved to play his violin, hunt, and fish. All of those interests were represented in the viewing room which was lovely and held many floral remembrances as well. The white spray was from my bosses and the girls at Body Perfections. The red and white spray came from my former spouse, Lewis. The spring arrangement was from my cousins on the Mills side: Maureen and Duane, Gloria and Larry, Mel and Eileene and their families.
Spray from Don and Joan Terry
The casket piece was collectively a tribute representative of the Baker family~absolutely gorgeous with the sentiments: Beloved Husband, Father and Grandfather inscribed on the ribbons~ and it followed him all the way to Mountain View Cemetery in Oregon City for the final committal.
We did not take pictures at the funeral with the exception of these couple photos. The church was filled with many church members, family, and friends of many years. It was wonderful and very comforting to the family to listen to all of the great stories about my dad~some of them very funny!
Lana and her big sisto, Marcee.
Here's the little group of "kids" I grew up with from nursery on through high school. All us "kids" are now 50ish...Seeing all of them meant so much to me after all these years. Some of us have not seen one another for nearly 30 years! Definitely time to catch up!
Family time after the funeral at Tebo's. Dad had requested that whatever money he had in his wallet at the time of his passing, his wishes were that we would all go out to eat together "on him". So, that's what we did and it was a very bonding and close time for the Baker clan.
Karlee, Mo-Mo, Kim, and Kelcee Beth. Someone looks a bit unhappy...
On Monday morning we gathered, family only, at the cemetery to say our final farewells and speak the last tributes amongst ourselves. It was a bittersweet time. I had to leave for the airport right after committal. A very hard thing to do.
Final Reflections:
It's not money or possessions, education, success, or physical beauty that make a life. It's loving God and loving people~especially family~that really matters. That is true success. To be well loved in your circle and to have abiding faith that anchors you in your life. My dad was blessed to have all of that. Plus a fair amount of fun along the way. And time for his interests and hobbies. He did it right. For all the failings and faults common to us all, my dad was a very rich and successful man in all the ways it really matters. I would say that he passed that along to all his kids who are, in turn, leaving the legacy for the future generations in our clan. Andy said it well at the graveside service, "I'm proud to be a Baker." I'm glad we've come to a point where we can all say that and mean it. As a sidebar, we also talked about the fact that nothing is important enough to fight over long-term or to hold grudges. None of us know how long we will get with those we love. Life is too short to allow ourselves to be separated from those we love. We also spoke about how, even though we'd have preferred dad to stay here with us, we didn't want suffering or compromise of quality of life for him. So we thank God for his mercy towards our Dad. We thank all the many folks who called, emailed, sent condolences to the online guestbook, came to visitation and the funeral, sent cards, sent flowers, sent meals. You all blessed us so much. We can never even express with words how much comfort that gave us. We also were so thankful for all the church people at Christ Church and at Victory Point Ministries in Michigan for their prayers and support of all kinds! We thank Hospice for their wonderful love and care during the final journey of our dad. We think the world of Samantha and David from Hillside Chapel in Oregon City who really held our hands, gave us hugs, words of encouragement, and took all the worry off us by attending to the details. Yes, I know it's their job but they did it with such heart!
For me personally, this was a time of tying all the fragmented parts of my life together into a cohesive experience that makes sense. My dad was the common denominator for all of it. Your parents are there when you take your first breath and they walk with you through every life event. Dad was my compass point, my North star, the steady rock I leaned upon. I've now gone full-circle. I'm at peace with past, present and looking forward to the future. A future that is brighter because I was given the life skills I need to be successful anywhere I go and no matter what I do. Dad showed us all how to mix with people and get out there and make our way in the world. All four of his children have this trait. I owe that to my Dad. I was also overwhelmed with gratitude for my Christian heritage. That foundation was laid by both my dad and mom and the people I grew up with in my church. I would never have survived the ups and downs of my life without such a strong faith. I also left Oregon with a stronger resolve to stay more closely connected with those I love and to cherish and build those relationships day by day and never to take them for granted. The people in your life are a gift. Too bad that sometimes it takes a catalyst like a tragic loss to see this so clearly. Try not to let any opportunities go by when it comes to fellowshipping with those who mean something to you. You might not get the chance again to show someone how much you care. We ALL need to know that!
